twenty-one to thirty...

21: long, blonde, toddler curls

22: a clean kitchen

23: a nearly empty laundry

24: take away night

25: dentist cost being less than expected

26: 80x potted colour plants, so pretty!

27: that my children have each other (to fight with)

28: and that they really do love each other

29: a husband who works long hours

30: and still comes home and shares housework

A Man and A Bridge - Part I

Image Credit

Last Friday traffic ground to a halt in Sydney's CBD as a man ascended the Harbour Bridge in protest of the apparent neglect suffered by his children at the hands of the Family Court and other Australian family assistance services.

There was a slight beat up about him endangering the safety of commuters drawing parallels to terrorist attacks and making the impression that the man, Mick, intended to cause harm to commuters. More than once a cry was heard that "he left a note on his car saying he was going to hurt people". That was a good story however it was not factual. The note left by Mick on his truck actually said, "I do have un-lanyarded equipment with me which poses a hazard to any motorist underneath and I don't want anyone to get hurt in this." Anyone who has participated in a bridge climb (in fact anyone who has completed basic high school physics or who possesses a little common sense) would know that ANY item taken onto the bridge, be it a paper clip or a brick, which is not secured at all times is a risk to commuters and pedestrians on the deck below. It is however a far cry from the claims likening this protest to a terrorist attack in which the participant intends to harm others.

Yes, it was a dangerous protest, however, danger is relative and we must look at all the facts when assessing danger. This was not a man who went onto the bridge without safety equipment or without the full understanding of the undertaking he was making. It was a man who possessed the skills to conduct both the climb and descent safely, who warned that there was danger present to others and requested that measures be taken to ensure their safety.

Yes, people were inconvenienced, traffic was held up, productivity for the morning would've been reduced. However, surely this is a small price to pay if this man's protest bears any weight in the failures in the current systems that children fall under when their parents separate. Our children ARE being failed, when their parent/s fail them there are not sufficient processes in place to ensure that they are safe and cared for, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Before Mick's protest it may well have been the case that the majority of people had never heard of "parental alienation syndrome", yet it is a very serious matter and one which needs our attention.

What it all boils down to is this; children NEED their parents, BOTH of their parents. Ideally yes, their parents would be together and love one another but at the very least children need AT LEAST an awareness and knowledge of both their parents, in the absence of either parent they need that awareness and knowledge to be unbiased and told to them in terms that they can accept and understand. Not everyone's parents are good people, sometimes good people do bad things, whatever the case, a child's parent IS part of them and if a child hears only of how bad their parent is they believe also that part of them is equally as bad, if not worse.

Mother Knows Best... sometimes...

How often do you make a comment in passing not realising the impact it might really have?

This postcard; which I saw on the PostSecret blog this afternoon reminded me of the countless times I've heard women comment on the influence their mothers unknowingly had on their lives. The little things their mothers never knew they did that upset them.

"Oh, you've put on weight since I saw you last"

"Are you really that hungry?"

"You're sister has such beautiful skin"

"Why don't you (sing, run, work, dance, do anything...) like your sister/brother"

"You're so much like your father"

Most of the time comments such as these are said without the intention of causing hurt but intention or not, they hurt. Moreso than causing hurt, these comments stick with us, in the back of our minds and every time we doubt ourselves these are the things we remember.

"My mum thinks I'm fat."

"I shouldn't eat that, Mum would be horrified."

"My sister is so much more beautiful than me, no wonder noone ever looks at me."

"I can't sing (run, work, dance, do anything) well."

"Mum hates Dad, she's never said anything good about him, she must hate me too."

There's one truth, as children, we know above all others; mother knows best. So if our own mother believes all these bad things about us they must be true, she wouldn't say it if they weren't, right?

If your mother ever said anything like this to you, she probably didn't mean it, probably meant well in fact. Maybe she just wasn't thinking about what she was saying. Most importantly, she was wrong; sometimes we all are.

As a child it may well have been true that our mothers knew us better than anyone else, as adults that no longer holds true. Go out and create your own truths; eat with joy, sing loudly, celebrate your beauty and be proud of the ways you are like your father, he wasn't all bad either.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

In just a few short months I will have been a mother for 14 years, FOURTEEN! That is SO many mother years and yet there are so many more to come.

This is significant in understanding the impact of what I did today to change my world, to add to my life, to enrich and make it better.

I went to playgroup. 14 years and 3 children and today I went to playgroup for the very first time independently, just me and my babe, noone else there that I knew. I have been before to a friend's playgroup to visit (whilst they were at a play centre end of term break up no less) and I've been to a supported playgroup-style program for mothers who have suffered post natal depression. I have never before been to playgroup, by myself. Let me explain...

You know that feeling you get when you're at a theme park (or even at "the show") and you're deciding which thrill ride you are going to go on first? The butterflies in your stomach start to flutter yet you still join the queue. As the queue proceeds and you get closer to taking your place on the ride those butterflies become grasshoppers jumping around your insides. You take your seat and wonder if you really will be able to hold down the lunch you probably shouldn't have eaten (or was it just the fairy floss that was too much?) You start to sweat, the ride lurches forward and your heart is in your throat closely followed by your stomach. You're wondering if you're really going to survive this little exploit (what made you think this would be fun?!) "OMG, I should just take the chicken ramp now!" You can't help but think. Then, just as quickly as you began to process your doubts about the ride, you realise it's all over and it wasn't really that bad, in fact, it was kind of cool. "I might even do that again!"

Everyone knows that feeling right? You either overcome it and take the ride or you decide you just plain don't like thrill rides and you never defeat the anxiety that prevents you from giving them a go. That's how I feel about people, interpersonal interactions and people in groups in general. Even the groups of people filling shopping centres scare me and I don't have to talk to any of them (well, not more than civilities with shop assistants or apologising to the person one of the babes horrifies with their childish absurdities.)

So playgroup, for me, was like deciding to go to a theme park, and then taking the plunge to go on the biggest roller coaster there (or maybe the Giant Drop, that is really one horrendous beast!) Today I did it, I overcame one of my great fears. I beat the anxiety and you know what? It wasn't that bad, it was kind of cool. The babe had a great time with many new friends. The mothers were friendly (they all took the time to come to me and introduce themselves which was a great blessing.) There were no scary, uber-stylish yummy mummies at our new playgroup.

Yes, I said it, "our playgroup". I can see that we'll be going back; maybe these friendly women will come to be women I call friends.

Do I really HAVE to?

Some wise words from Valery Fradkov:

With years of professional experience, I realized that when people say “I have to” or “I should,” it is not them talking but someone else, who comfortably and secretly resides in their heads… When talking on their own behalf, people tend to say “I want to.” I learned not to tell my children what they need or had to do, but rather ask them, for example, “what do you want better, to read now even though you will be tired tomorrow at your favorite Improvisation class, or to go to bed now and finish reading tomorrow?” Sometimes it works the way I would like it to, sometimes it doesn’t, but at least I never have to face those why-do-I-have-tos or I-don’t-need-anythings. Also, they know that everything they do is always their choice (and their responsibility).

A story of one of my clients (let us call him Al) provides a powerful illustration to this point. Al is a single father who, among other issues, was concerned that he did not spend enough time with his son. He had a well-paying but demanding job at a Wall Street company, with long working hours and a long commute. Al said: “I want to spend more time with my son but we need money and I have to work much.” I asked him: “Could you say the same sentence only instead of ‘I have to’ say ‘I want.’ Al said, slowly: “I want to spend more time with my son but I also want to earn more money for us.” Then he looked at me in surprise: “It sounds now like I have a choice!” Within a year after this conversation, Al quit his job in the bank and moved to a less expensive area, farther from New York. There he found another job that pays less, but is close to his house, less demanding, and leaves him more time to be with his son.

You cannot choose between what you want to do and what you have to do, but you can compare two things you want and choose the one you want more. I want my children to be always aware of their choices rather than simply following someone’s orders, including mine.

This list was inspired by blog travelling.

Kindest Wishes,
AJ

My Dream House... #1

Recently I've started daydreaming about the day we buy our own house; I'm really craving the freedom of being able to do whatever we want to out home. I'm going to post about things as I come across them and save them on the My Dream House Page...

Where better to start than a bathroom?

I love the openness of this bathroom, minimalism however is not really my thing.

I imagine the people who really live in this bathroom use the recess in the (left-side) wall to house their shampoos, bubble baths and other such essentials. It would look beautiful with some coloured glass bottles in the recess and very romantic filled with a variety of different sized candles.

I love that the bath can be "allowed" to overflow as it's in the back of the shower space and that it wouldn't matter if the kids splashed water everywhere because you don't have to walk through the splash-zone to get to the handbasin.

I hope it's a heated floor because I spy an exhaust fan but no heater.

I wonder if the towel rails are out of shot or if the people who live here dress in their bedrooms (or do they have change rooms?) Is there a toilet out of shot too?

(Photo from Come Over Sunday.)

This list was inspired by daydreaming.

Kindest Wishes,
AJ

I'm not a Cook...

Cooking in general is not something I'm good at, cooking places me in stupid mode most of the time, unless I have very clear precise instructions I can burn anything!

There are however a few things I CAN cook; spaghetti bolognaise (don't we all learn that at high school?) lasagne, devilled sausages, beef stroganoff, apricot chicken, mashed potatoes, banana cake... that's about the extent of my kitchen repertoire. Truly; I have been known to burn water. :blush:

This evening, however, I made pasta. Real pasta; flour and eggs, mixed by hand, fed through the pasta machine pasta! Even more incredible than the fact that I got my kitchen act together enough to make something "new" was that it was edible. It is a given in this house that if I am attempting to cook something new there must be an alternative available (even if it is only beans and toast!)

There is one more stage of incredible; I made an alteration to the recipe, using wholemeal instead of plain flour. 'Twas an evening for miracles I tell you; not just because I made edible food from scratch but because it was in fact so edible that fussy husband and fussy daughter BOTH ate it and liked it. Of course D jnr liked it too; it was food, he was eating it raw as R and I were trying to get him to help turn the pasta machine handle!

Here's what I learnt about making pasta:

1. The recipe makes WAY too much pasta for 2 adults, 1 child and 1 babe. I know it can be refrigerated but flouring the finished product and putting it in an airtight container was not so effective, it has turned into a clump of pasta. I need to experiment further with pasta storage.
2. Every time you make pasta the flour quantity will be slightly different depending on the actual size of your eggs. We always buy free range eggs direct from the farm so they, especially, have quite a size variance in each pack.
3. Once you have the pasta the thickness you want it, it is much easier to cut if you have allowed it to air a little. I used cooling racks and lay the pasta sheets on them to air, those that aired slightly longer cut much more easily than those that didn't.
4. Flouring the aired pasta makes it one further degree easier to cut (ie run through the machine without it getting stuck and with the blades having cut right through.)

This list was inspired by the joy of home made!

Kindest Wishes, AJ

This Week I've learnt... #1

1. Dr Suess' real name was Theodor Seuss Geisel. Is there any child who hasn't loved a Dr Suess story at some time in their lives? (If you haven't you've definitely missed out and should head out to your local book store or library immediately to experience the whimsical, non-sensical, rhyming humour of this master story teller.) R has, on our latest library visit, rekindled a love for Dr Suess and was even reading the book she borrowed (which contains three stories) as we walked home from the library! Dr Suess stories are not only fun and easy to read, drawing children into a love of reading but they are also great teachers of reading in context as children discover which character each passage is about by combining the words and illustrations.
2. I have an aspidistra; also known as a cast iron plant. Actually, I already knew that, my Dad told me that's what it was, I just kept forgetting it's name. Although the aspidistra is commonly kept as an indoor plant I have learnt through reading that it will also do quite well outdoors, as long as it is in shade and not watered too frequently. This plant (which is in the process of dying off slowly at the moment due to being in the sun and bursting at the seams of it's pot) may just be the ideal plant to put under my pine trees and spring is the ideal time for separating it. My aspidistra is definitely ready to be moved and I can use it as the centre of that space with the clivia around it to quickly fill the space. The lady next door has also said that I can take some of the spring star flowers from her garden so they will brighten up that patch a little more. I also learnt that the aspidistra flower grows from the base of the plant.
3. Whilst googling for the pictures of violets I used yesterday I learnt that violets are edible. That's right, violets, both the flowers and the leaves, are edible. We used to sell honey at fruit and vegetable markets, direct from the producer and I often thought about making infused honeys with chilli, rosemary, ginger and various other plants. Catherine Alice reminded me of this when I stumbled upon her blog and she had put some violets into honey to infuse. Isn't it funny how once you know something (violets are edible) that same knowledge repeats itself to you again and again?
4. I learnt what a Chameleon skeleton looks like; see the picture below. Karen, The Graphics Fairy, has been sharing a series of skeletons in honour of Halloween. You can visit Karen to see skeletons of men, an elk, a chimpanzee, a hand and I'm sure there will be more to come in the next couple of weeks.
5. Cottees Cordials are now being produced in new 1L double concentrate bottles, replacing both the 750mL and 2L bottles. Thanks to Kidspot Social I was lucky enough to receive a bottle of Coola flavoured cordial to trial.  I'm very pleased to report that it still has the same great taste we love!

Cat in the Hat, The Grinch and others...
Do you know who they are?

Aspidistra flower; beautifully unusual.

Mango, Dandelion and Violet Salad.

Chameleon Skeleton.

New 1L Double Concentrate Cottees Cordial.

This list was inspired by incidental learning.

Kindest Wishes,
AJ