Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

In just a few short months I will have been a mother for 14 years, FOURTEEN! That is SO many mother years and yet there are so many more to come.

This is significant in understanding the impact of what I did today to change my world, to add to my life, to enrich and make it better.

I went to playgroup. 14 years and 3 children and today I went to playgroup for the very first time independently, just me and my babe, noone else there that I knew. I have been before to a friend's playgroup to visit (whilst they were at a play centre end of term break up no less) and I've been to a supported playgroup-style program for mothers who have suffered post natal depression. I have never before been to playgroup, by myself. Let me explain...

You know that feeling you get when you're at a theme park (or even at "the show") and you're deciding which thrill ride you are going to go on first? The butterflies in your stomach start to flutter yet you still join the queue. As the queue proceeds and you get closer to taking your place on the ride those butterflies become grasshoppers jumping around your insides. You take your seat and wonder if you really will be able to hold down the lunch you probably shouldn't have eaten (or was it just the fairy floss that was too much?) You start to sweat, the ride lurches forward and your heart is in your throat closely followed by your stomach. You're wondering if you're really going to survive this little exploit (what made you think this would be fun?!) "OMG, I should just take the chicken ramp now!" You can't help but think. Then, just as quickly as you began to process your doubts about the ride, you realise it's all over and it wasn't really that bad, in fact, it was kind of cool. "I might even do that again!"

Everyone knows that feeling right? You either overcome it and take the ride or you decide you just plain don't like thrill rides and you never defeat the anxiety that prevents you from giving them a go. That's how I feel about people, interpersonal interactions and people in groups in general. Even the groups of people filling shopping centres scare me and I don't have to talk to any of them (well, not more than civilities with shop assistants or apologising to the person one of the babes horrifies with their childish absurdities.)

So playgroup, for me, was like deciding to go to a theme park, and then taking the plunge to go on the biggest roller coaster there (or maybe the Giant Drop, that is really one horrendous beast!) Today I did it, I overcame one of my great fears. I beat the anxiety and you know what? It wasn't that bad, it was kind of cool. The babe had a great time with many new friends. The mothers were friendly (they all took the time to come to me and introduce themselves which was a great blessing.) There were no scary, uber-stylish yummy mummies at our new playgroup.

Yes, I said it, "our playgroup". I can see that we'll be going back; maybe these friendly women will come to be women I call friends.